Learning Stories By Sarah Merron: Teach Me To Perform When It Matters Most
Many people suffer from performance anxiety in business, music, acting and sports. You can use the learning story “Teach Me To Perform When It Matters Most” if you’re working with clients with Performance Anxiety, Exam Stress, Competition Anxiety or a Fear of Presentations. Whether you choose to embed this metaphor within NLP training or use it in isolation, allow the client to create absorb the information in their own space and time.
Once again she fell on the ice after her triple lutz. She had prepared so many times for this moment. This girl had practiced and practiced and practiced. She had completed the landing of that jump successfully, over and over again. And yet here she was again, in competition, sitting on the ice, her humiliation overtaking the cold feeling in her hands as she propped herself up in this familiar feeling.
What Am I Doing Wrong?
“What am I doing wrong?”, she asked herself. I wonder What is it that stops me from performing when it matters most?
Her coached enveloped her in a hug as she walked off the ice, such a welcome contrast to the icy tones she was delivering to herself inside her mind.
For a moment, that trusted connection diminished any negative feelings.
Different Perspectives
“I’ve arranged for you to meet someone”, said her coach. “I know that you’ve put so much hard work into your routine and I believe there is nothing stopping you delivering the same incredible performance when you compete. Well, actually, I believe that it is your mind that stops you.”
Stunned, the girl protested and announced that she wanted to give her best during every competition so why would her mind be stopping her.
Open your mind for just a moment said the coach. If you could see yourself though my eyes for just a moment, you would realise that you put so much pressure on yourself the moment you step on the ice during a competition. The pressure comes from what you say to yourself in your head. Work with me here.
Do you trust me? “Yes of course” said the girl. “Good, then come with me and meet this person.”
We're Not Here To Skate
And it’s a good thing to wonder where we’re going and how we arrived where we are, as we ponder the questions and observe life. As the girl arrived at the lakeside with her coach, she was suddenly confused. It’s the middle of summer, we can’t skate here.
“We’re not here to skate” said the coach. We’re here to talk to someone about sailing. And just as the girl was about to ask another question, she saw a little boat gliding across the middle of the lake. A beautiful blue boat gliding across the glistening water at sunset.
And then it turned, as if by magic and with seamless ease and began to travel in the opposite direction. The girl was mesmerised. The longer she watched, the more beautiful the sight became. In fact, tears came to her eyes to show her that her soul was alive and well. She couldn’t believe how this boat seemed to dance and glide across the water, as if it were performing a slow tango, ebbing and flowing across the waves.
What seemed to her like an hour later, the boat suddenly appeared in front of her.
“Wow” – she said to the small man who jumped out of the boat to secure her to the shore with a rope. “Can anyone learn how to handle a boat the way you do?”
“Certainly,” said the master boatman. “But remember! If you want to be a good boatman, don’t worry about controlling the boat.”
“Don’t worry about controlling the boat?” she was taken aback. “If you don’t control the boat, how can you handle it?”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about the boat, just make sure that you can swim — and you can control the boat!” Said the boatman. “If a man can swim underwater, he’d know how to handle a boat when he’s given one! He can get the knack of handling the boat and become a good boatman in no time.”
A Good Swimmer Can Become A Master Boatman
Puzzled at what the master boatman said, she decided not to ask another question and her drifting mind was interrupted by a different voice. To begin with, she couldn’t understand where the voice was coming from. And then suddenly, she saw a small man, sitting next to an even smaller pile of fishing nets. His feet were dangling into the lake and his hands moved at a lighting pace to fix any holes in the fishing net. He didn’t even look up. It was as if he was talking to the water.
“A good swimmer will in no time get the knack of boating, that means he’s forgotten the water,” said the old man. “If a man can swim under water, he may never have seen a boat before and still he’ll know how to handle it. This is because he sees the water as dry land, and the capsizing of a boat the overturning of a cart on land.”
“The ten thousand things may all be capsizing and backsliding at the same time right before him, and nothing can get at him and affect what’s inside him. So where could he go and not be at ease?” adds the old man.
I Want To Be Effortless
This is how the best performer renders his best. He has laid the ground for the performance and when it’s time for him to put in his best, he doesn’t have to worry about putting in his best. The skills are there for him to play with. He can enjoy them as he chooses!
He’s like the swimmer who worries not about the water when boating.
When he’s performing, he’s not in the art of performing. He’s directed not by his desire, but the flow of life. By letting go of his attachment to the performance itself, he performs without performing. He is at his best by being effortless.
“I want to be effortless” said the girl.
“What is it that is not effortless for you? Asked the master boatman.
“Ice-skating competitions” said the girl with a deep outward breath. “It’s fine during practice, in fact, I’m magnificent during practice, but when I know it’s a competition and I’m being judged, everything becomes a struggle.”
“Aaah so you focus on performing in the competition, rather than practicing for the next competition? You turn your performance into execution, taking the sparks of excellence and ease out of the rendition.”
You can’t perform because you’re performing!
Expanded Awareness
The girl smiled at her coach. With a sudden expanded awareness, she realised what she had been focusing on when it was time to compete. She felt a sense of peace and calm wash over her and she knew, all of a sudden, that her next competition performance might be even better than her practice, and she was going to enjoy it more than any other competition before.
And so we learn that trying is the same as not trying and not effort and effort are also equal. Therefore the not struggle of no effort is more comfortable and easily relaxing than anything else we can do. Isn’t it? Moreover we know that effortless is EASE with practice and enjoyment of the present moment.
If you like this “Teach Me How To Perform” learning story and you’d like to see more, please click the link to read another learning story.
Find Out More About Working With Me
If you’d like to find out more about coaching with me, or if you’d like to arrange a call to see if we’re a good fit for one another, please send me an email to sarah@sarahmerron.com.
You can book coaching online here.
If you’re interested in group training and coaching, you can check out my Farcical Life Programmes here.
